Whew! I knew it was coming... Everyone knew it was only a matter of when... but then again a girl woman separated at only 19 is still ("is still"??? okei, this doesn't sound right, or does it?) somewhat bewildering andmakes you wonder... It would really be hard... So, yes it is final.. M. & M. are now officially separated.
Honestly, no one was surprised, as I've said we all knew it was going to happen.. not only because we were born pessimists (okei, not because they were.. since I am always a pessimist, right? hehehe.) but because of the situation itself. I mean, she was 18 (now 19) and he was 34 (now 35); she was childish (since, she was still a TEEN) and he was... well, 34; when they fight, it was him who ALWAYS say sorry (even without knowing why or what they fought about); she wanted a baby, he gave her one (without thingking); he was madly (as in too, too, too much) inlove while she was just fooling around. I really can't blame her.. I mean, she was 18 at the time.. but I wanted to punch him hard in the stomach... or kick him in the crotch hoping that the hurt will eventually wake him and make him realize what the hell he's doing. On second thought, he's a lot older than I am.. and he's supposed to be rational... and smart (and old) enough to know what he's getting himself into (he's a middle school teacher, for crying out loud!)... A year later, I wish I did kick him in the crotch (and hard) when I had the chance!
A year later, she decided that she wants to move on without him, so he let them go... Just like that, no, "I'll fight for the love", no, "let's try one more time", no, "I can't live without you"... just like that, no dramas or whatsoever. I don't know how he did it because he is still madly inlove with her... he still wants her in his life, it's still her that he wants to see first thing in the morning and it's still her that he wants to kiss goodnight. And he's crazy for baby G. as well. Self-will??? Will power??? or maybe he's just too tired???
Now, what's left? [a]2 separate lives (dapat yata, Separate lives ang nilagay kong BG music, noh? by the way, the girl singing is italian.), [b]a separated 35 year old who's still crazy inlove with his ex, who probably lost his only child (and maybe his dignity, as Prof. C. said), now a part-time worker man, then [c]there's a separated 19 year old girl single mom to a [d]1 year old boy. The situation's sad but my heart goes out to baby boy G. Hoping that one day he'll understand.
"Light a candle for the innocent victims of online child abuse." if the video won't work, please click here.
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on SOUTH BORDER:
SOUTH BORDER IS GOING TO BE BACK IN NORTHERN CALI ON OCTOBER 14!
There's a cocktail hour for VIP ticket holders that will happen at around 7 PM. We would love to meet our supporters up close, chat and take pictures with them. If you want to be a VIP ticket holder, call 925.639.7442 NOW. Or go to hhippmagazine.com and purchase the VIP TICKETS. VIP TICKETS are limited.
OCTOBER 14, 2006 (Saturday) -ALL AGES SHOW Main Hall, National Guard Armory 2925 Willow Pass Road Concord, CA 94519
I really do. I want to lose myself. Just this once.
I don't know how it feels losing one's self, how it feels to breakdown and cry. I never had the "chance" to experience that. Not when they decided it was better for me to grow up in Laguna with my mother's sister and her family, not when they told me I was an only child and years later found out I have 7 older siblings, not when I had my heart broken, not when I was not able to attend my own graduation, not when they told me I had to leave Laguna, my friends and the life I've been living for the last 12 years, not when I had my heart broken the second time, not when I lost my best friend and not even at funerals. And just this once I'd like to breakdown and cry my heart out.
Just this once, I don't want someone who'll tell me not to worry and that everything's alright.. 'cause everything is NOT alright! I want someone who'll just sit beside me, someone who'll just listen to me while I blatter and rant. And yes, maybe someone who'd even cry with me. I don't want someone telling me to be strong. Just this once, I don't want to be strong.
I've been strong my entire life. Or atleast, trying to be. Everyone's telling me to be strong for everyone else. I know that most people surrounding me take their strength from me, thinking that if I can deal with it then they can too or if they can't, they know they have my hands to guide them or my shoulder to cry on. And I'm okei with that. I actually like the idea. Glad to be of help, as most people would put it. I'm not the type who would just cry that easily, anyway.
But lately, I don't know for what reason, I suddenly feel the urge to just breakdown and cry. I'm not asking for the moon or the sky.. I'm not even asking for a million dollars euro. I'm 22, dammit! Don't I have the right to lose myself, just like everyone? Just this once, without having people telling me that I should be strong, that I should not cry, that I should look at the brighter side, that time would come when everything will be better... so forth and so on.
I still don't know what its like to breakdown. How exactly do you that?... Lose yourself?
Breakingdown... ahhh.. breakingdown... The ups & downs, the pros & contros, the why & why not, the right & wrong, the real way to do it... Could someone teach me how?
I'm getting tired of this.
I'm getting tired of what people say. Because, for your information, nothing actually got better, I still don't know where the brighter side is and I still don't know what it's like to breakdown. I'm tired of those people who keep on saying that "I should just let go" and that "the right person for me will come".
I'm not waiting for the "right person", that's just not me. And yes, I don't want to "waste" my time waiting for someone that may or may not come. I don't believe in courtship, just like I don't believe in love at first sight.
I just want to find someone who would tell me, where the brighter side is? And when will everything be better?
I'm not looking for someone in a romantic way... really. I don't even want anything romantic at this moment of my life. My life is still too messy for anything that's even close to "romantic". And I still can't figure how in a city so crowded, in a place where I'm surrounded by other human beings, I could still feel so lonely. Yes, I am lonely and I don't feel any shame nor having a hard time on admitting or accepting that reality.
Pathetic as it may sound.. I'm still looking for my "home". If only someone could tell me how exactly do you just let go of anything... or anyone.
edited on Sept. 23, 2006. To listen to the entry's BG music, please click here.
Last week while I was watching the tv news I literally found myself shocked upon hearing that Steve Irwin has died. I find it ironic, how one who "played" with crocs and other dangerous animals, that I by the way wouldn't dare come close unless their half asleep with tranquilizers, was killed by a stingray that killed him with a tail barb to the heart. I heard about Steve Irwin only 3-4 years ago. I felt sorry. I wanted to cry. I was sad. It seem(ed)s to me that the world, once again, has lost one of it's best elements, one who in his own way made our world a better place.
A couple of days ago, I'm not sure if it was a friday or a saturday, I was watching Larry King Live, and I heard that a certain Germaine Greer said this and said that.
As far as I can see quite a few Australians have been embarrassed by Steve Irwin, lots, millions possibly
Asked whether she felt out of touch with most Australians given the wave of mourning that has swept her homeland since his death, Greer replied: "I don't care what I'm being called, I hope I'm out of touch with what idiots are thinking."
The animal world has finally taken its revenge, but probably not before a whole generation of kids in shorts seven sizes too small has learned to shout in the ears of animals with hearing 10 times more acute than theirs, determined to become millionaire animal-loving zoo owners in their turn.
My feeling about Steve was always that he did not treat animals with respect that he seemed to regard animals as something that he could dominate. He would tell you how dangerous they were and then he would proceed to intrude on their space and humiliate them really, treat them with massive insensitivity. And, it's no surprise that he came to grief.
I'm not saying that Greer is wrong or that she is right, either. What I'm trying to say here, is that there's a time for everything.. and now is definitely not the right time. As I see it she's just being so insensitive especially in regards to the Irwin family.
Yes, it may be true that Steve Irwin did some things excessively and perhaps he did it not because he wanted to but because the people who he's working for asked him to do so. He, like all of us, need to take care of his family and that requires money, he wanted to make the wildlife world better and that also requires money. If he said "no" to the "big bosses", would anything change? Won't the tv station just look for someone else who'd the job for them? Atleast, Steve Irwin never did it for the money alone, he really loved the wildlife. We don't have to see things in black and white.. Life is just not that simple. Who are we to judge others? Who gave us the right to talk crap about others on a time like this? Has she lost her sense?
I know some people would say that it's the price to pay for being a public icon, (this not about Steve Irwin alone but to all "public icons"), but then again aren't they, like all of us, humans and therefore capable (and have the right) to err? I don't think its fair to talk about their personal/private lives, yes, even if they're public figures, afterall its not what they're trying to "sell".
As most people say, "He died doing what he loved most. And he probably wouldn't have had it any other way".
Now, how many of us would get the chance to leave the earthly world doing what we love most? to Steve Irwin, May you rest in peace.
Remembering 9/11.
It's been five long years but the pain, the hurt and the fear remain. Remembering the men & women who lost their lives at the 9/11 incident, to those who gave their life for it's cause and to their families.
Thou life must go on, we shall never forget.
p.s. to Mrs. Elizabeth "gng. beth" Buenviaje, May you rest in peace.
dear blog friends, (yay! told you i'm affected by "feeling-close-too-soon" syndrome)
just to let you all in and not think that i'm actually dead . i will still be MIA(in my blog) for some more days. but i promise to check yours as much as i can.
school is coming... fast. it'll start next week (sept. 11). i'm nervous. haha! erm. i'm such a dork. i haven't bought anything yet. not even pens. so no, school is not the reason why i ain't blogging.
by the way, i'm trying to look for a part-time job. but i'm such a coward. i'm not even applying for any. i just don't think i can go through all the rejection thing at the moment. but i really want a part-time job. or just something to keep me busy when i'm not at school. i feel so tired, even when i'm just laying on the bed... or the floor. and also i'm so fed up with all of this... blah, blah, blah. most times, i'll find myself staring blankly at the ceiling or outside the window, its not the normal day dreaming thing cause i'm not day dreaming or thinking, that's why i said "staring blankly", i can't even sleep at night, for the last 2 weeks i'll fall asleep around 4-4:30 am, i'm not sure though, but that's the last time check i could remember every night (rather morning) before i actually fall in dreamland. i don't know why though. i've given up on "someone's thinking of you" excuse. i don't think someone would actually think of me (or anyone else) for 2 weeks straight. i also stopped drinking coffee 3 weeks ago. i haven't done any serious chatting sessions for atleast.. umm.. 2 years? i also tried waking up early around 7-8 in the morning (yeah, that's early, it is afterall still summer). so i'm running out of excuses. but that ain't the reason why i ain't blogging either. or maybe it is but its only 1/8 part of the reason.
the reason is that now, i am in the process of trying to improve my secret life.
really.
but hey! atleast, i'm actually trying to improve a part of my life... even if its the secret part.
so... just have a great week ahead, everyone! take lotsa care and have lotsa fun!
fi.esh. i am YMless at the moment. i'm still trying to find out what the hell happened.
//---*J* starts editing on sept. 08, 2006 at 1 o'clock in the morning---//
I should have edited this blog yesterday but I was feeling lazy. Some updates:
Din-din's YM is feeling better & almost cured. hehehe. By tomorrow it will be up and working.
She asked me to once again do a promotion.
On Sept. 09, 2006
"-_SOUTH BORDER LIVE IN AUSTRALIA!_-" South Border with special guest Nina. Doors Open at 6:30 PM / Show Starts at 7:00 PM at The Hills Centre for Performing Art - Carrington Rd Castle Hill - Australia.
And lastly but definitely not the least important:
She is asking everyone, specially those who knew Mrs. Elizabeth Buenviaje, (One of Din-din's highschool teacher) to please pray for her soul and let our prayers accompany her soul on it's journey.
Saints of God, come to her aid! Come to meet her, angels of the Lord! Receive her soul and present her to God the Most High.
May Christ, who called you, take you to himself; may angels lead you to Abraham's side. Receive her soul and present her to God the Most High.
Give her eternal rest, O Lord, and may your light shine on her for ever. Receive her soul and present her to God the Most High.
Let us Pray.
All-powerful and merciful God, we commend to you, your servant. In your mercy and love, blot out all the sins she has committed through human weakness. In this world she has died: let her live with you for ever.
We ask this through Christ our Lord.
AMEN.
Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord. And let perpetual light shine upon her.
May she rest in peace.
Amen.
May her soul and the souls of all the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.
Phearly. -Bonne Nuit Y Dolces Suenyos'' Joan. -The One In France'' Patty. -Let Her Spin.'' Bem.(the cat lady at myspace)'' Janina.'' deranged creativity.'' Hanagirl. -In Her Utopia.'' Reena. Glamour Girl [-password protected-]'' Lei. -With The Whiteskyproject.'' Frustrated Writer.'' Goldi. -On Shifting Sands.'' Lokita.'' Bing. -With The Warmth In The Coldness Of Life.'' Elle. -In Her Room.'' Lyka. -Soulembracer.'' Rex. -The King Of Chocolates Is Typing Out Loud.'' Neneng. -Rackyroad.'' Neneng. -No Angel's Kodak Moments.'' Issa. -Sprinkling A Few Amber Drops.'' Jochie. -And Her Adik Lyf.'' Karla. -frail-ty n. pl. frail-ties.'' Empress Maruja. -Random Lives of thy Royalty.'' Kneeko. -The Zephyr Touch.'' Yuri. -Flight Manual For Dummies.'' Agring. -The Art Of Friendship.'' Rain. -Gray Tales.'' Trish. -Some Like It Hot.'' Rho-anne. -Por Diz Coz.'' Garnet Girl. -transitions, overtime, for a life time.'' Jase. -LIFE FUNTASTIQUE; the journey continues.'' Au. -Musings and Feelings.'' Mr. Jim. -Writing On Air.'' Jai. -Hemorage.'' Jamie. -The Princess Jamie Chronicles.'' Pipay. -Panday & Eden on the garden. Dreaming!'' Carmela. -Loves being a Mom and a Wife...'' SBST-eu. -SB STREET TEAM-eu!'' RalphT. -kadramahan. kalokohan. kakulitan.''
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Thank You!
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. i will still be MIA (in my blog) for some more days. but i promise to check yours as much as i can. 
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01.2004
Phearly. -Bonne Nuit Y Dolces Suenyos''
