[ *pessimist addiction* ]

-Tuesday, August 22, 2006- Kumuha nanaman ako ng bato na ipinukpok ko sa sarili kong ulo.

why? why? why? why on earth do i always get myself in trouble? i haven't seen Asm. for more than a month, because she was busy trying to finish her OJT.. after more than 2 weeks of not even talking to her on the phone... we finally had a chat.. and she had this problematic voice.. and started blattering about this fund raising thing... and since i hate it when people starts to blatter about things that i really don't understand (since i didn't do my OJT where she did hers.. and the fund raising thing is for that org.) specially when they go, "i don't have the time but it's really for a good cause.. and they really need the money and you know.. you don't seem to be that busy.." when what they really want to tell you is, "will you do the all the work and will you let me get all the credit and since it's for a good cause i know you'll say yes" and since i am what i am.. i said, "okei, i'll organize it.. don't worry". YEAH, dammit! stupid me! i haven't even organized one birthday party by myself in my entire life.. go figure if i can actually organize a friggin' fund raising anything! what the hell was i thinking?! tomorrow, i'm meeting up with her and some other people to finalize things. perhaps, i could still go "i back out" on the thing. what do you guys think?

talagang problemado na si Din-din, oh..

you see, the problem is people expect too much from me, they think i'm this superwoman who can do everything and do it GOOD. i know i should be flattered and all but sometimes kasi, it's tiring na din. i feel so pressured. at times, i don't even know if i really did a good job or if they are just saying it because i was the one who did it and since they're so convince that i'm really THAT good, prejudice comes in. minsan nga, i find myself wondering on what's worst? be continuously compared (the bad way, you get me? like, "why can't you be like him?" or "how come he could do it and you can't?") to my oldest brother or have people think that i'm as good as him? i don't know. i'm thankful that no one actually compared me to him, the bad way, i mean. i think people are weird. (and i guess it's okei, since most people think I'M weird. hehehe.) they continue thinking that i am as good as my brother, when the fact is, i'm 21 and i still have 2 more years before i get my hands on my overdue college diploma AND i have not done anything that ~~BIG~~ great.. yet. yes, i said "yet", because eversince i was a lil kid, i have always known that i was born to do great things and someday, i will. most of you are probably wondering what the hell did my brother do at ganon kahirap na magiging kasing galing nya ako? if you're from Region V (lalo na sa tabi-tabi ng bicol) or familiar with the DOH cirlce.. i'm sure you've heard of Dr. Edgardo Sarmiento, well, that's him.. he's my oldest brother, at age 48...

he is the Chief of Sanitarium II
he has a BSN degree, or what ever you call the degree you need to be able to teach nursing in the universities.. i've been told kasi that the diploma you need to be able to teach and the diploma to be a registered nurse are two different diplomas. i'm not sure though.
he is a registered nurse
he is an opthalmologist
he's one of those health emergency management staff; a project of the DOH -with support from the world health organization.
and some more stuffs i don't know about.

i mean how do you get to be like that? i think i'm the only person who thinks that i can't do what he did, that no matter how hard i try i can't be like him. (i'm being realistic, people!)
people think that...

since he's the oldest and i'm the youngest..
he likes doing things for free and i like doing it too (specially if i'm not having those nervous-slash-inferiority complex attacks, like now) ... just for the sake of helping others
we both think that principles, ethics and integrity (ang pag-kaka-iba?) are more important than money... to never do anything for the sake of money, alone. it should always be about something else and the money. hehehe.
plus the fact that i'm the first italian-born in the family,
i'm the daughter of the first & last president of the whole filipino community in milan,
that my uncle & my godfather is a genius (ang mga pamahiin nga naman ng mga nakaka-tanda, tsk.. ako tuloy ang napapa-hamak. tsk. tsk. )
that compared to most filipinos/filipinas who after living in the philippines for years decided to live here, i am still not pregnant and i am still at school
i'm the most open minded person they know. (and i know too. hehehe.)
they're also "amazed" that if my 15 year old cousin comes to me to talk about her sex life, i'd tell her to first -talk to her OB and ask for birth control pills, second -to always use protection and scare her to death about HIV and AIDS, then -to think about it 100 times then to re-think it over again then decide if she really want to get that intimate with her boy friend and to do what she thinks, she should; instead of doing a "cermon" and find her and her boyfriend doing it in a strange place (like the park) and see her tummy blown up within 3 months.
and more other stuffs that i can't think of right now

they think that i can do what he did and still do. that i can be as great as he is. but i doubt it. i don't have the guts. still sometimes, its nice to know that people think i'm this great person and that i can do everything but oftentimes, it's also scary... what if i don't make it? what if i can't achieve half of what he did and of what he is? i admire him, not only for the achivements but especially for how he is and how he treats other people. bata pa ako, idol ko na sya. hehehe. by the way, no, he's not filthy rich, not even close. His children go to "normal" schools. my brother's sister-in-law (i used my brother's sister-in-law only because my sister-in-law's sister sounds.. umm.. confusing?) is actually paying for one of my niece college education. he never did it for the money. minsan, ang bina-bayad sa kanya ng mga pashente nya, buhay na manok o kaya mga gulay-gulay.. na pag-katapos ng operahan at gamutan eh ipapakain din nya sa mga pashente.. hehehe. kaya sobrang resptektado at mahal na mahal sya ng mga ka-trabaho at pashente nya, kaya syempre mahal na mahal din nila pamilya ni Doc Ed. at kaya din nung tumigil kami sa bicol last october, alagang-alaga kami.. hahaha. he's working for the DOH since he passed the board exam and became a registered nurse, so that he could study more for "free". its not like he really studied for free.. it was the government who paid.. then he had to work for the government for a period of time... without having a choice.. you know.. the usual bureaucracy stuffs that i know nothing about. so yeah, they're not rich.. i mean how do get rich working for the government without being corrupt?

okei gotta go and think of something on how i can "pull" myself out of that fund raising thing.

p.s.
i know it is for a good cause, and that those kids really do need the money.. but i REALLY don't think i can make it this time...

...unless you volunteer to do the job for me and let me get all the credit.

happy wednesday, everyone!

signed,

who deemed @ 10:30 PM

whisper to my ears

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``Essentials``
Moniker: [dindin], geri, gerald, gie
Birth date: September 27
Location: Milan, Italy
Religion: Roman Catholic
Astrological Sign: Libra
High School: Canossa College S.P.C., Laguna
College: IIS- Kandinsky -Milan, Italy

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